all about the Benjamins....or the Bordens

So a friend asked me recently "Your wedding's comming up. I cant wait! Arent you excited?"
I replied "Not really. I just want it all over and done with."
He was absolutely in shock. "How can I be more excited about your weding than you?"

Well, really, how can he NOT? At the begining, it was everything wedding. And that was the way I liked it. I was the bride . Vendors were approaching ME at the bridal shows and in the stores (true, most of them probably only saw me as a walking dollar sign, but I managed to overlook that fact in exchange for the tonnes of attention they showered on me), friends and family asked to see the ring and wanted to discuss how plans were going.

It was a great way to satisfy my inner narcissist (Okay, maybe not THAT "inner"!). But really, you know at work when the first person asks you where the bathrooms are you happily answer...but when the 20th person asks, you get annoyed and bored with the repetitive question? Well, that's what happened to me!

"Yes I already have my dress"...for the 30th time!
"My brother's fiancee is my maid of honour"...just like I told your friend 10 seconds ago
"Yes its an open bar"...GAH!!!!!!

All of a sudden, I was HAPPY to talk about anything BUT the wedding!

The icing on the cake is that when the clock struck midnight on new years, it was no longer "Im getting married next year" but "Im getting married in 3 months." That realization was followed by the one that I only had a handfull of paychecks left. Suddenly this chance to 'save little bits from every paycheck over time' was running out. What will we do if we are a little short? We cant just insert another payday between now and then. Will we have to pull the dj equivalent of a "dine and dash" (a dance and run to your hotel room)?

When I get worked up about this, I try to focus on the fact that things like this always have a way of working out. I try to focus on my work bonus Im expecting in a few weeks, a raise my fiance will get for the last few checks before the wedding and a few other little sorces here and there. I try to think of it that worrying about it NOW will not help. Its like trying to change the TV channel by staring really hard. But still, no matter how I calm down about it, I still cant get as excited as my friends and family are. And personally, I dont blame me!